I am worried about the end of the world. Now, I don’t want to be alarmist but there are some pressing concerns about the big Mayan bang or flood that is supposed to arrive next week and I hope you might help me with them.
Firstly, I have no idea what to wear. Lets assume that whenever I do step off this mortal coil, that I need to be dressed for warmer weather – ie the fires of Hell. (Heaven doesn’t want me and hell should be scared I will take over). Dressing for the warmth is good, like packing to go to Bali without the Bintang singlets and rip off Birkenstocks. But for the end of the world? I think there should be a touch of glamour maybe, or a 3/4 pant with a light knit, like one wears in Noorsha for a temperate evening out. I am most concerned that I will be either under or over dressed. I just don’t know what to wear.
And what about the festive holiday season? Those pesky Mayans and their whole end of world thing could have been delayed until after the fat man in the red suit had come down the chimney. I mean, all those horrible hours spent running around a Westfield looking for the perfect gifts for people, only to have them ruined. I would hate for all those very thoughtful vouchers to just melt away in the apocalypse, not to mention all of the hand crocheted coat hangers I made for the relatives. It sounds like we should hold off for the post apocalypse sales perhaps, as we might get 50% off or something.
Then, of course, there is the more pressing issue of what to do with the very large bill pile? Do I leave the bills and risk having the power cut off if the big flood/bang/thingamajig doesn’t happen or some ancient Mayan person might have been a bit shickered at the time on cactus juice and cocked up the date for the end of the world?
Or do I be a dutiful man, pay the bills and hope that when the world does end, I can get a refund if I have overpaid.
These dilemmas are causing me concern and I am not sure what to do.
Who is catering for the end of the world event? Can I give them my dietary requirements? What if they are serving something that we are allergic to? Maybe they wont have a wine that I will like? Its just all too difficult to ponder. I have the car booked in for a service in January and some dinner reservations at a fancy restaurant. What will happen if I don’t show up or if we miss out on a table because the interwebby thing went down at the end of the world and we lost our reservation.
There are so many things to be alarmed about that I just might have to go have a lie down – just make sure I am awake for the 21st so I don’t miss out, and can throw on something nice.